Happy Pride Month! 

Below is a post I made on Facebook just after the Pulse shooting in Orlando, Florida. I found it in my “memories.” At first, I was like, “Great memory! (sarcasm),” but then I thought it might be an interesting time capsule moment showcasing some raw emotion and needed outpouring of thoughts. – Ryan

[From Friday, June 17 2016] Orlando. Yes, it happened in the USA, but it’s a global disease: homophobia. Even though some are trying to spin it as a terrorist attack on US citizens, it’s not that blanket a statement: it’s an attack on being LGBTQ. You know, Todd and I still get asked by str8 people, “Why do you need a parade? We don’t have a parade!” What happened in Orlando is why.

The shooter apparently became enraged when he saw two men kissing in front of his kid. This is an extreme case, but don’t ever think for one minute that even someone as strong-willed as me doesn’t read his environment wherever he goes. Todd [my husband] is more sensitive to the staring and prejudices of others than I am. Still, neither one of us has ever, on a whim, without consciously thinking about it, held hands walking down the street or kissed in a public setting that wasn’t Church St. in Toronto. And this is over 19 years.

We ALWAYS have to be conscious of the fact that someone (usually a man or many men) could potentially target us with their anger, their bigotry, and their homophobia. I’ve watched all my family and non-LGBTQ friends at one time or another engage in public affection. I don’t believe any of them ever, for one second, thought they would be attacked for doing so. Todd and I have been—verbally, not physically (luck?)—and we were just walking too close to each other for their comfort. Just one example.

People wonder why I always walk with a “mean” look on my face: it’s a defence mechanism. It means I won’t go down without a fight, so think twice before you come for me. I said this once to a man following me in the early morning hours in Toronto on my way to the Greyhound station, and it worked. And I meant it! I wish I’d never had to learn to do this, but, at least for me, this was part of surviving as an out and proud gay man in a world where many despise my existence.

[Side note: Since this post in 2016, I was punched in the face walking in downtown London in broad afternoon daylight by a guy using the “F” slur. Guess my luck ran out. I had strong words with him as he ran away—cowardly. Yes, I wanted to go after him and knock his teeth out, but I had my bag on me with my laptop inside and couldn’t run with it. I also couldn’t leave it on the sidewalk—it had, at the time, the only copy of my first book on it. And as Todd said later that day, what if he wanted me to follow him to where a group of his friends were waiting? Ultimately, I walked away; it didn’t sit well with me for a long time.]

I wish I could walk with more of an easygoing smile, but I’ve learned to be (initially) very wary and untrusting of strangers—especially when I’m on my own or just with Todd. It sucks, but this vigilance has kept me alive for 43 years. Pride days, parades, clubs, and events are where people like me are “the norm” and can just BE without looking over our shoulder, without bracing to take that possible punch—I’ve seen it happen. [Again, I was happy that fateful day of “the punch,” having just picked up my Wednesday comics, and I’d let my guard down.] The men and women who went to Club Pulse to celebrate diversity and have a good time thought they were in a safe space. They were targeted.

So the next person who asks me (or my awesome husband) why “you people” need to be so “out there” and “make such an issue of it,” I will tell them why. Again and again—and continue to do so until the one day when we stop needing to be asked. Know and understand your privilege, non-LGBTQ ppl.

And, once again, to the asshole downtown [different event] who stopped me because I “looked gay to him” (I was having a fab hair day, I must admit) and told me it’s a choice and that I should pray it away—I was born this way, baby [I can’t believe I quoted Lady Gaga! LOL], so take your religious intolerance and shove it up your ass. Have a Great Pride Month!

Thanks for going down memory lane with me—melancholic as it was. Love Is Love!

And speaking of that, to the left is the graphic novel “Love Is Love” which was released in December 2016 by IDW Publishing in collaboration with DC Entertainment. It is a 144-page tribute to the victims of the Orlando nightclub shooting and features characters from various publishers and franchises with explicit permission. The comic became a New York Times bestseller, and over US$165,000 was raised through sales, which were donated to the victims.